Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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