Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
