K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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