The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
