Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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