you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Man, jail baloney is awful.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
