and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
