when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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