just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I just forgot I was standing up.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
