Soap is not a condiment
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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