I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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