Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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