Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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