well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He? As in you personified your dick?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
