You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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