He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
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