is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
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