I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
