I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
