I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
