I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
