pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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