i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
