yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
