If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
