I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
it's like heaven, but drunker
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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