Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
