idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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