Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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