she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
