I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
