It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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