I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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