Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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