I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
