sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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