Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
