K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
how does that bad decision feel?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
