So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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