I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
