it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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