just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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