I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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