six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
