I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
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You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
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I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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