and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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