so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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