You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
