I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Actions speak louder than pants.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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