i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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