1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
