i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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