3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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