be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
