Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
