he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I feel great
I just peed on a car
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
