we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize