Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
