Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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