Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
