Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Help. Why am I so naked?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
