It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
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Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
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I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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