I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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