There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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