Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
