so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Watching her eat just hurts me
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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