i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
