I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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